12-5-2024

I am happy to say that I am at least catching myself, a little more self awareness on my bad indulgences. Every day, I do realize and feel again and again that the best thing I could do is be nice to everyone I love.

I made Mark a list of things I'd like to do. I'm fighting the desire to see my alum in DC but I was just there, and it was grueling as much as it was loving. I'll be in Albany in a week and some change. I have a photoshoot coming up, too. Lots of physicality to things right now. New computer, customized, new pages on this site, new images, new projects, new things about me.

Drove the car to go dancing alone for the first time in forever. Reveled in sobriety and the freedom of movement.

Holidays are coming up, and I stil envision mine grim. Actually, I envision them terrible. I have had such painful Thanksgivings, such empty Christmases, that's my own forced construct. I made a half motion about going to the strip club and was told the environs would be "sad." Part of me is still that dimension of sad. For some reason, I think that keeps me human.

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